When you are going through separation or divorce, you have three processes available to resolve your differences...

Litigation

content based on legal rights and remedies
neutral third party imposes a decision
formal
bound by rules and procedures
public
parties assert positions
objective is to win or prevail

Until recently, the usual method for resolving family law disputes was through the court system. While it has been modified over the years to encourage negotiation and settlement, the core of the litigation process is adversarial, and can easily exacerbate the emotional turmoil of family disputes. In the litigation process, one party retains a lawyer, who then drafts and files a Notice of Family Claim suing the opposing party for divorce, child support, spousal support, and/or division of family assets and debts. Once the opposing party is served with the Notice of Claim, he or she might retain a lawyer, and the process of back and forth negotiations, arguments, and exchanges of information begins between the lawyers. If the case cannot be settled, the end result of litigation will be settled by a judge granting a final court order, the terms of which do not often meet the wishes or expectations of either party. With court fees, mandatory attendances in court, time limitations, and documents to be prepared and filed, litigation can be very expensive. If matters cannot be resolved and a trial becomes necessary, it can cost $10,000 or more to each party. As well, experts may be hired to provide evidence, and if children are involved, counsellors or psychologists may be enlisted for assistance, as well as parenting coordinators or supervisors. In a situation where other options are undesirable or impossible, due to violence, fear, or an unwillingness to cooperate, litigation is sometimes the only way to resolve matters.

Collaborative Law

lawyer-assisted
face-to-face negotiation based on needs and interests
parties reach decisions through four-way discussions between lawyers and clients
informal
procedurally flexible
private
parties assert interests
objective is to reach mutual agreement

Collaborative law presents a more amicable method to resolve issues in a manner that allows the parties to maintain control over the process and over the outcome. Using this method, both parties are represented by their own lawyers; the parties and their lawyers are committed to work together at resolving issues without going to court. The focus of the collaborative law process is open and honest communication between the parties. The lawyers and the parties, as well as divorce coaches, child specialists and financial advisors might be called on to work as a team to solve disputes, whether the issues relate to support, division of property, or parenting. Any agreement reached through the collaborative family law process is a legal contract. In the collaborate law process, each party retains a specially trained lawyer, and a four-way meeting is arranged. At that meeting, a participation agreement between the lawyers and the parties is signed. This might include provisions such as an agreement to work together respectfully and cooperatively; to provide information openly; to utilize four-way conferences; and to not use or threaten to use litigation. Because each party retains a lawyer to utilize their problem-solving skills rather than arguing matters with each other and before the court, if the parties are committed to the process, it is much less expensive than litigation.

Mediation

negotiation based on needs and interests
neutral third party facilitates a decision
informal
procedurally flexible
private
parties assert interests
objective is to reach mutual agreement

Mediation allows family members to resolve their own conflicts. The Mediator is a neutral lawyer who assists the parties to clearly define the issues in dispute and communicate their concerns and possible solutions, with an aim to reach a final settlement that accounts for everyone's needs and interests. The mediation process begins with each side meeting individually with the Mediator in an informal office environment, where the Mediator describes the process and establishes ground rules for conduct. The parties then meet together with the Mediator and review and sign a written Agreement to Mediate. The Mediator then assists the parties to communicate about the issues and assists them to arrive at an agreement that is crafted to meet their individual concerns and reflects their unique solutions. The Mediator will guide the process to clarify and frame the issues in terms acceptable to the parties, will define an agenda to discuss the issues one at a time, and will explore various solutions with the parties so that the best possible agreement can be reached. The Mediator cannot give legal advice to the parties but may provide them with legal information respecting the law in the area in dispute, and might offer suggestions to help the parties develop options on their own to resolve the issues. Mediation sessions typically occur once weekly for a period of approximately 90 minutes, and the process often takes between three to five sessions. Once agreement is reached between the parties, the Mediator will reduce the agreement to writing (a separation agreement) and the parties will each be provided with a copy of the Agreement and strongly encouraged to review the Agreement with an independent legal advisor before signing. In this way, the parties are assured that the agreement reached is consistent with their independent legal rights and obligations. All communications, correspondence and information exchanged by the parties is confidential, and if the mediation process fails, nothing said or done in any of the mediation sessions can be used in evidence in a Court proceeding, nor can the Mediator be retained by either party. Typically, the cost of mediation is shared equally between the parties, and if both parties are committed to productive and honest discussions, the expense of the separation process, both financially and emotionally, is significantly less than the litigation process.